This is not marital advice

If you're married, about to get married, or the thought of getting married has ever occurred to you, people will tell you things like, "Yo home-dog, I'm just lettin you know, your baby gurl ain't always gonna take your side" or "Listen sister, there will be times when you and your sweetie disagree, so beware" or "Now son, the occasion will arise from time to time when you two don't see eye-to-eye." I don't know what it is, but everyone is obsessed with this idea. They can't let you go into marriage thinking you're never going to have conflict with your spouse--they couldn't live with themselves if they didn't warn you about it.

Familylife.com says, "There is no way to avoid conflict in your marriage." Wow. That's awesome. And motivating. There is no way; conflict is unavoidable. Without offering detailed examples, I would say that there probably are ways to reduce conflict, and we shouldn't be out and about in search of it, but I agree with familylife.com in that conflict will be a part of life no matter what you do. So accept it.

Along the same lines of the previous quote, I'll share another: "Conflict doesn’t happen because you’re married to the wrong person; conflict happens because you’re human." I snagged that one from the Power to Change website in an article written by Andrea Shair with the title, "Solving Disagreements Without Arguing." Ms. Shair uses the phrase "because you're human" to say "stop worrying." If we have conflict because we're human, that must mean that everyone else has conflict because they're human, so conflict is normal and we shouldn't assume we're the only ones, we're cursed or we're doing something wrong. 

Now, conflict is different than contention. As international business consultant Kevin P. Miller pointed out, contention is "expressing anger one against another," and conflict is not. With that in mind, 3 Nephi 11:29 is much clearer: "he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another" (emphasis added). Based on that, we can still "be one" (D&C 38:27) and have conflict, as long as it's not anger-infused.

I confess, my wife and I have conflict, too. Shocking, I know. Though it rarely comes to blows, we have differing ideas about how to organize things, what to watch on Sunday and yes, how to hang up bath towels--the universal disagreement. So we're just like the rest of y'all. But! Something fun and wonderful happened the other day that has rocked our conflicted world.

It was after she had attended a little marriage workshop put on by a women's religious organization near our home. She got home all excited to share with me what she'd learned, and I was excited to hear. We sat down and started reading through one of the handouts. Then, we got to a bullet point that said, "Develop an 'us against them' attitude," and we were intrigued. We both love obeying the Lord's commandment to "be one." Besides, what's more uniting than having a common enemy, especially if that enemy is everyone? Muahahaha!! 

Not long after this, we decided to try it out. "We're a team: us against them." We loved it! The first day, we were on our way somewhere and we were running late, as usual. We got to an intersection and some guy was unduly crossing the street and I said, somewhat disconcerted, "I'm gonna hit that guy." Usually, my wife would mercifully say something like, "Oh, that's so sad, don't do it." But this time, in a guileless, us-against-them spirit, and with a gumption unmatched by even Hercules, she roared, "YEAH, HIT HIM!!"

Anyway, the past few weeks have been a blast. No, we don't spend hours in our basement hatching violent plans to annihilate all humanity (we don't even have a basement) and we haven't ran over anyone--nor do I recommend it--but if the need should ever arise, I know my wife's got my back and I've got hers. Ephesians 6:12 says "we wrestle not against flesh and blood," so it's better not to take this too far against others in a quest for unity. In reality, it's not so much about being against others as it is knowing you and your partner are on the same team. 

So the next time you hear your spouse breath out threatenings for being late, irate, and detained at an intersection by some pedestrian's unwarranted crossing of the street, consider showing your allegiance to them by yelling with warm encouragement: "YEAH, HIT HIM!!"